Well, i tried. 😆🙈
I have been wanting to add more and more to this artwork. I added leaves and some blues and greens. Something about this is just therapy to me. In need to sketch more that calms me. Some artwork inspires me to think deep and write more. But i have been awake since 4am. Kids are already sleeping. Here is what i wrote.. "Adanya kecantikan yang tidak dikenali dengan mata kasar. Hanya dapat dirasai dengan hati murni. Daun yang terapung jatuh dan tanggal dari dahan membuatkan aku hayal dalam dunianya. Aku menutup mata merasa kesakitan dahan yang sukar melepaskan daun. Mengeratkan genggaman dari dahan yang tergantung namun daun itu tetap jua gugur ke tanah. Aku mengikuti daun yang rebah ke tanah, satu per satu ia jatuh, dan jatuh lagi. Dunia seakan berhenti berpusing apabila helaian daun daun itu terapung meninggalkan badannya. Indahnya tidak ramai yang mengerti. Namun aku hanya merenung hayal dalam mimpi ini.."
What 10years challenge? Sis kasi few years back photo je la when i was 22 years old. 😝 Masa tu sis buat highlighter as facial wash agaknya. 😆 I need my sharp chin and my slim nose back😭 Kening da taubat. Dari pey-rang to black 😆 #nkjugak #walaupuntak10yrssgt
I was 21 when i had you. It was a surprise. Everyone else was negative when i gave birth to you except for my side of family. I remembered that there was once this visitor who came, she said to me "Kau ni tahu beranak je. Kesian laki kau kene kerja extra hours. Menyusahkan keluarga kita semua je" God knows at that point of time, i was so depress due to all the things that i have to face. But the worst of all was the comments after i gave birth to you. I asked myself, how can someone who is a mother herself said that to me? I cried in the middle of the night when everyone else is gone. I blamed myself for not being perfect. I had no friends to visit me. I had no one to share my pain with except a crook on my face. A crook of smile that was lying to everyone about how i feel. I was the best actress if i was in a play. I managed to hide all my feelings away and smile as if that pain didnt hurt me. That night, I refused to hold you till the next day when a nurse approached me and said "She needs you. I will bring her to you. It's okay. You can do this" I teared when i hear that from a stranger. She gave me motivation to make the first step. With doubt and fear,I hold you in my arms. You look so pure and your innocence shines through. And that is when i felt the strength to lift myself up. And on that day, i made a promise. I am going to change my life because of my children, because of me. And here we are, you are 6 years old. Sanah Helwa syg. May Allah bless you with all His mercy. You cling because you had only me from the beginning. Now you can let go a little and hold daddy @jvan.meim hands soon . We will be a family, and you will always be our little baby. :") #NanaIsSix
Oh my dear children you are so love by many. :") May Allah preserve this love till Jannah. Thank you Daddy,Aunty, Nenek and Atok. We had so much fun today. ❤❤❤
This year, i will be flying (or taking a bus😆) frequently going to Malaysia due to my work, my passion. It is tough being away from my children. But whenever i am in my Musafir mode, not a day goes by that i stop praying for the best for them. Sometimes, guilt kicks in and i always cry at the corner where nobody would see me When I leave my children for work, i will tend to wonder if iam a good enough mother or not. Whenever I see children laughing and running around happily with their family, i pray mine is safe, well taken care of. Everytime before i travel somewhere, i would tell my children, if one day i die, know that i will always love you and that you will be okay. And the children will cry. Trust me. I have Standby Tissue sessions with them too. Turning 28 end of this month, it fears me that many at my age, takes life forgranted and that death didnt surpass their minds. I fear that i will be one of them who will succeed and forget my blessings. Thus everytime Allah gives me challenges in life, i breathe in and thank Him. And as i struggle with money, with the seperation that i deal with everytime when i leave my children, i feel that He wants me to reflect on the many blessings that i do have instead of the things that i do not have. When i think of death, i tell myself, look at Bak (my late dad) be like him. He took care of my mum,my sis and my needs before he passed on. He was preparing for death. He was preparing me for death when he played the audio about alam barzakh in our room when i was small. And on my birthday, words that lingers through my lips are.. "If i die, i will be 28 years old, what have i done to deserve jannah? If i die, ......." And i will talk to myself and close my eyes trying to recall whom i've hurt, what i've done. And tears would flow, my heart would ache and i would pray for His mercy begging Him to forgive me. We fear death like it is a poison that can harm us. But little did we know death means the end of this world but a beginning towards meeting Him. May Allah bless us with His mercy as we stay on the right path and reminds us of our death days. Oh Allah forgive us. Forgive me. :")
Yesterday night with amazing people. Secret project this March coming your way! I swear we were all high on food! Just look at our faces! 😆 It's so nice have friends here in Malaysia. We were strangers then Allah puts us together to benefit the Ummah. InsyaAllah!
2nd on my list! Alhamdulillah! Thank you @sabatinidzue and @azlanandi and baby Adwa for making time to meet us. :") Me and @purplepliers pernah jumpa Saba at an event few years back. And i decided that if i were to have an event,I wanna invite this power couple! So kita tgh plan secret project jugak dgn dorang🙈 And thank you @atiqahmurakay sbb jadi penghubung antara kita. ❤ Her motivations and her words inspires many of her readers in her latest book Starry You! Ahhhh i cannot keep my excitement and nervousness bila berdepan dgn dia 🙈 Anyways watch our LIVE session!! 😄
Me after being awake from 2.30am till now. 🙈 #lepakbutprogressive #kejaplagimeeting #happybutpenat #nakkurus #tetiber 😝
Mission for 2019. Jumpa dengan orang orang yg MasyaAllah. First in the list, Ustazah @fatimah_syarha :") Mkn tempoyak ikan patin, siap Ustazah belikan keropok lekor cheese untuk kita makan di hotel. Ustazah dan Dr siap hantar kita balik hotel despite their busy schedule (she tgh buat thesis for her PHD) Annnnnnndd dapat buat short video bersama !!! Kita dalam perancangan secret project tau 🙈 Allah hadiahkan this moment. Bismillahi MasyaAllah. :")
Sambungan.. "Abang, nanti kalau baby kita keluar, abang dah nak kene beli yang apa benda tu abang..ahh carrier." si isteri mencadangkan sambil membelek belek buku yang dibacanya. "Tak payah lah carry carry tu. Abang da cukup kuat tau nak angkat syg dengan anak kita sekali. Nanti biar org pandang lepas tu kata 'eh eh suami dan ayah mithali la awak ni.' Dorang tak tahu..berat mata memandang berat lagi yg dipi..." belum sempat si suami menghabiskan ayat, bantal berterbangan ke arah muka si suami. "Padan muka..haaa.. Tak baik cakap saya berat.. Dah laa.. Esok mogok taknak makan.." si isteri memuncungkan bibirnya dan melemparkan jelingan tajam ke arah si suami. Si suami kemudian menghampiri si isteri lalu mencubit pipi insan yang sangat disayanginya Mereka berdua ketawa memecahkan keheningan malam itu. Bahagia sungguh alam rumahtangga mereka. Walaupun ada turun naiknya tapi mereka tidak pernah berputus asa. Tapi cerita ini mengubah segalanya.. "Ya Allah selamatkanlah isteri dan anak aku." si suami menadah tangan merayu kepada Tuhan. "Encik Azmeel? Puas kami cari Encik Azmeel tadi. Kami ingin minta maaf, kami sudah cuba sedaya upaya tapi Allah lebih menyayangi anak dan isteri Encik. Kami.." doktor yang sedang terkial kial mengeluarkan kata kata pedih itu terus diheret ke dinding oleh Azmeel. "Apa?? Apa kau ckp ni?? Kau tak selamatkan satu pon???? " tengking Azmeel. "Kenapa..kenapa..kenapa kau tak selamatkan mereka.. Kenapa.." suara yang tadi menggegarkan seluruh ruang rumah sakit itu menjadi sayu, hanya tangisan dan esakan kedengaran. Azmeel terduduk menangis sambil memeluk tubuhnya. "Sabar Encik. Saya tahu ini sukar bagi Encik Azmeel. Kami turut berduka dengan kehilang encik." Azmeel sudah memekakkan telinganya. Tiada lagi yang masuk akal padanya. "Syg kenapa pergi dulu.." Bersambung..
"The most powerful leaders were made from broken hearts.." -Parcosm A good date is made up of amazing brew of coffee,a great book, a sketchbook and the best company. Well for me atleast. #bookgeek #letmeread
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To more loosey gobos clothes in 2019! 2018 have been such a blessing! I did fashion show, standby tissue events, lead my first ever kids camp, remove toxic people in my life, found unexpected love in a friendship and found hidden art talent in me. Everything in 2018 is unexpected. May Allah protect me and my family from those who have bad intentions and grant us taufiq and hidayah to consistently be on the right path. Not just this year. But throughout our whole life. Remember if you have a tough year in 2018, it is only a bad year not a bad life. Trust HIM, do your best, and always breathe in a new phase of life after a good sleep. Everyday is an opportunity to make improvements to yourself, and some do not have the chance to do that. Last but not least, be thankful and grateful for all your trials,laughters,problems and happiness because each of this moment and experience will make you become a better person ! 💪😄❤
Not a slim fair sharp nose blue grey eyed girl from anywhere else in the world. But this will do. This will do. Made effort to look good. My inner voice said "You look beautiful today Hiah" I smiled with tears in my eyes and said, "Yes I do." #lightingissogood